Weight: 160 Goals: 20%conditioning 80% training
WOOHOO!! Personal best today in the raquetball court. Two hours, full-steam! My response time is getting better; rebounds, volleys, and strength. Of course I'm still playing "calvin-ball" (please refer to Bill Waterson's Calvin and Hobbes' rip-roaring series if you are unfamiliar at amazon.com) but three-cheers for the small wins!!!
WOOHOO!! Personal best today in the raquetball court. Two hours, full-steam! My response time is getting better; rebounds, volleys, and strength. Of course I'm still playing "calvin-ball" (please refer to Bill Waterson's Calvin and Hobbes' rip-roaring series if you are unfamiliar at amazon.com) but three-cheers for the small wins!!!
I prefer "calvin-ball" anyway; to me it's about keeping score of my personal bests rather than being better than someone else. I love the feeling when those "plateaus" become launching platforms.
Of course, I was pissed (gotta work on that negative motivation thing or maybe I have just fine tuned it enough to make use of that traumatic tunnel-vision thing.) I am uncomfortable with anger being such a motivator. But I am human. It is there for a reason. I must use it as a powerful tool, not the reason for having the tool. I want to get motivated because I WANT to, not because I feel threatened, scared, angry.
I think it is because I am still in the fight, flight or freeze mode. I think it's ok for now, so long as I am consciously aware of it, but this tumor demands to be broken up. It demands its expression so I can grieve. It was grown out of anger from covert betrayal. It is blocked chi and denial or repression is no way to deal with it. I have anger...righteous anger! I have to get it out. Holding anything in never solves anything (input tao quote here). But suffering just for the sake of suffering doesn't accomplish anything either. I have to find a way to lessen the PTSD flashbacks and other physical reactions from taking over. I have to heal it in positive way or I will just create a worse situation for myself. As Joe Vitale says "nothing bad ever happens". I must continue to look at this from a positive creative perspective. I didn't choose the circumstance, but I am TOTALLY responsible for my reaction and response. Something in me created this situation to be brought into my life. Was it for a lesson I needed to learn, something I hold inside myself, or some special perspective I have that someone else needs to hear?
Mastering others is strength
Mastering oneself is true power.
-Lao Tzu
Of course, I was pissed (gotta work on that negative motivation thing or maybe I have just fine tuned it enough to make use of that traumatic tunnel-vision thing.) I am uncomfortable with anger being such a motivator. But I am human. It is there for a reason. I must use it as a powerful tool, not the reason for having the tool. I want to get motivated because I WANT to, not because I feel threatened, scared, angry.
I think it is because I am still in the fight, flight or freeze mode. I think it's ok for now, so long as I am consciously aware of it, but this tumor demands to be broken up. It demands its expression so I can grieve. It was grown out of anger from covert betrayal. It is blocked chi and denial or repression is no way to deal with it. I have anger...righteous anger! I have to get it out. Holding anything in never solves anything (input tao quote here). But suffering just for the sake of suffering doesn't accomplish anything either. I have to find a way to lessen the PTSD flashbacks and other physical reactions from taking over. I have to heal it in positive way or I will just create a worse situation for myself. As Joe Vitale says "nothing bad ever happens". I must continue to look at this from a positive creative perspective. I didn't choose the circumstance, but I am TOTALLY responsible for my reaction and response. Something in me created this situation to be brought into my life. Was it for a lesson I needed to learn, something I hold inside myself, or some special perspective I have that someone else needs to hear?
Mastering others is strength
Mastering oneself is true power.
-Lao Tzu