Weight: 163 Goals: 20%conditioning
80%training
Oh, the pull of depression.
Where the hell did my motivation go for today?
Dreary, dragging, whiny...boo-hooing inner child.
Let me explain: my gym is remodeling and I can't be around chemicals. There is a second facility clear across town and I'm out of fuel.
Waahh, waahh, waahh, excuses, excuses, excuses.
Where is all of THIS coming from?
80%training
Oh, the pull of depression.
Where the hell did my motivation go for today?
Dreary, dragging, whiny...boo-hooing inner child.
Let me explain: my gym is remodeling and I can't be around chemicals. There is a second facility clear across town and I'm out of fuel.
Waahh, waahh, waahh, excuses, excuses, excuses.
Where is all of THIS coming from?
Well, the chemicals do mess with my hormones and that always (so far) turns out less-than-well. HOWEVER, that is why it is more important than ever that I, consciously, stay committed to my goals.
Perseverance!
What I train my mind for is what I will receive. But I do have MCS, so that is a very real "physicality" I have to work around.
I checked with the gym and they will be ventilating today during construction. WOOHOO! Small win. I get to go to class today.
Now to drag my bones to Pilates and turn this gloom into something good.
7p
I am so very grateful that I didn't listen to "the whiny me", but that is what being discerning is about. I realized that there really is an element inside that "whiny self" within me that really is trying to protect me.
The smart thing is to translate it properly and not let that part of myself do ALL the thinking and none of the decision-making. Like all parts of myself, I must respect myself, not judge--after all, I AM the master within.
I reminded myself tonight that I really am still only in the beginning stages of healing, and the "whiny me" is only trying to tell me that I really do have a limit to what I can do without REALLY creating a set back. It's one thing to push myself for progress, but it's entirely another to expect to "run before I can even walk" after such injury.
I seek balance not control.
True mastery can be gained
by letting things go their own way.
It can't be gained by interfering.
-Tao Te Ching
And I am apparently still in the "critical" stages of my recovery-- Compassion Clause invocation.
The Universe really does look out of us when we let it: I did a sauna before going to class (I just couldn't bring myself doing an active warm-up). I followed my body and I had a very effortless time with my body during class.
Class was short tonight, but intense. Thus, my exposure to the chemicals in the building was minimal.
And finally, what I needed most of all at that moment, to boost my flagging motivation and show that I AM clear in my goals and following the "flow", the instructor let me know just how far I have come, how beautiful I am, how strong I am getting and how I am an inspiration to her and others.
She is so proud of me. I even got hugs tonight.
The universe knew what I needed most and when. Sometimes, that is just to be carried when I can't go on myself.
I couldn't have done it without Rochelle and all of the wonderful people at the gym. But that's really one of the great secrets of life in beauty, isn't it?
You have to show up.
Perseverance!
What I train my mind for is what I will receive. But I do have MCS, so that is a very real "physicality" I have to work around.
I checked with the gym and they will be ventilating today during construction. WOOHOO! Small win. I get to go to class today.
Now to drag my bones to Pilates and turn this gloom into something good.
7p
I am so very grateful that I didn't listen to "the whiny me", but that is what being discerning is about. I realized that there really is an element inside that "whiny self" within me that really is trying to protect me.
The smart thing is to translate it properly and not let that part of myself do ALL the thinking and none of the decision-making. Like all parts of myself, I must respect myself, not judge--after all, I AM the master within.
I reminded myself tonight that I really am still only in the beginning stages of healing, and the "whiny me" is only trying to tell me that I really do have a limit to what I can do without REALLY creating a set back. It's one thing to push myself for progress, but it's entirely another to expect to "run before I can even walk" after such injury.
I seek balance not control.
True mastery can be gained
by letting things go their own way.
It can't be gained by interfering.
-Tao Te Ching
And I am apparently still in the "critical" stages of my recovery-- Compassion Clause invocation.
The Universe really does look out of us when we let it: I did a sauna before going to class (I just couldn't bring myself doing an active warm-up). I followed my body and I had a very effortless time with my body during class.
Class was short tonight, but intense. Thus, my exposure to the chemicals in the building was minimal.
And finally, what I needed most of all at that moment, to boost my flagging motivation and show that I AM clear in my goals and following the "flow", the instructor let me know just how far I have come, how beautiful I am, how strong I am getting and how I am an inspiration to her and others.
She is so proud of me. I even got hugs tonight.
The universe knew what I needed most and when. Sometimes, that is just to be carried when I can't go on myself.
I couldn't have done it without Rochelle and all of the wonderful people at the gym. But that's really one of the great secrets of life in beauty, isn't it?
You have to show up.