A fabulous point was made today as I looked for ways to stay on solid course with my goals: in order to keep focus on my goals, I need to cut out distractions.
I'm usually very good at this but there are times when I feel the need to "numb".
I don't like it. But there it is.
I want to change that about myself because it gets in the way of accomplishing my goals.
So off I go researching for better ways to end my mind-numbing, numbfest; thereby numbing my numbness?
What? WAIT a freaking minute! Way to sabotage myself with the endless cycle of "let's distract myself with distraction by looking for ways to end distraction so I don't actually commit to my moment!"
YAY ME!
I'm usually very good at this but there are times when I feel the need to "numb".
I don't like it. But there it is.
I want to change that about myself because it gets in the way of accomplishing my goals.
So off I go researching for better ways to end my mind-numbing, numbfest; thereby numbing my numbness?
What? WAIT a freaking minute! Way to sabotage myself with the endless cycle of "let's distract myself with distraction by looking for ways to end distraction so I don't actually commit to my moment!"
YAY ME!
Yes. Today, a day of overwhelming emotions, mixed messages and passive-aggressive hypocrisy, I have fully identified (or at least identified it enough to put vocabulary to "paper", screen...whatever, a counter-intention within myself: the need to run from my negative reinforcement group without having my head firmly in place first.
Reactionary-ism in response to one of the thoughtless multitudes that "mess up my chi".
It's particularly difficult when it's someone that "according to the rules" is supposed to be the one you trust most in the world.
Hmmm.
One of the "6 Types of People Who Don't Deserve to Hear My Shame Story" ? Let's see...
Reactionary-ism in response to one of the thoughtless multitudes that "mess up my chi".
It's particularly difficult when it's someone that "according to the rules" is supposed to be the one you trust most in the world.
Hmmm.
One of the "6 Types of People Who Don't Deserve to Hear My Shame Story" ? Let's see...
'Loves me, not in spite of my imperfection but because of it?'.
No?
'Will they show up and wade through the deep with me'?
Uhhh, nope.
'It's ok to have opinions and feelings about something, just don't speak about it or be seen or I might feel uncomfortable and now you have to put the shingle out for ME, make me look bad or worse yet at MYSELF, and you shouldn't rock the boat or YOU'RE the one exaggerating and obsessing BECAUSE something makes you have feelings--it's not really that bad. I'll just disappear until "I" feel better about YOU'?
Hmmm.
Is this person going to come back with "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, you were in my stuff and I didn't know what to do with it, but I'm here for you now"-- or is the passive-aggressive RPG going to continue until a strike can be blown to help me fail for their entertainment?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Not exactly the sort of person conducive to candidacy for my "Council of Advisers". Not even a situation that I should be in if I want my energies to be spent growing.
So, how do I "turn this into something good?
1st: just being aware of the dynamics will help me identify what kind of person I DO want in my "Council".
2nd: I have no idea yet...thus the attempts at "numbing my numbness with copious amounts of pseudo-intellectual distractions".
Maybe that's just the flu talking.
But hey, happily (I was going to say 'at least', but that is the type of negative fall-back statement that I'm determined to expunge from my life) I managed to complete my blog post today!
Small wins, my friend.
Take THAT flu bug.
No?
'Will they show up and wade through the deep with me'?
Uhhh, nope.
'It's ok to have opinions and feelings about something, just don't speak about it or be seen or I might feel uncomfortable and now you have to put the shingle out for ME, make me look bad or worse yet at MYSELF, and you shouldn't rock the boat or YOU'RE the one exaggerating and obsessing BECAUSE something makes you have feelings--it's not really that bad. I'll just disappear until "I" feel better about YOU'?
Hmmm.
Is this person going to come back with "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, you were in my stuff and I didn't know what to do with it, but I'm here for you now"-- or is the passive-aggressive RPG going to continue until a strike can be blown to help me fail for their entertainment?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Not exactly the sort of person conducive to candidacy for my "Council of Advisers". Not even a situation that I should be in if I want my energies to be spent growing.
So, how do I "turn this into something good?
1st: just being aware of the dynamics will help me identify what kind of person I DO want in my "Council".
2nd: I have no idea yet...thus the attempts at "numbing my numbness with copious amounts of pseudo-intellectual distractions".
Maybe that's just the flu talking.
But hey, happily (I was going to say 'at least', but that is the type of negative fall-back statement that I'm determined to expunge from my life) I managed to complete my blog post today!
Small wins, my friend.
Take THAT flu bug.